How many of me, have I not met yet?

Searching for the inner and outer reality

 

Photographical project
Photos by Marik Breton

Texts by DeboRah TriskelArt

 

MORE TO COME!

November 2010
from a 10mq flat in Livigno, Northern Italy
Outside is fxxxing freezing and I am drunk...
I know I need to change my life again.
I WROTE

IF YOU WANT TO CREATE
YOU NEED TO GO THROUGH Emptiness FIRST
BACK TO THE BIG bang THAT IS BEFORE THINGS STARTED
FREE YOURSEL OF THE Unnecessary
make space FOR SOMETHING TOTALLY NEW
THERE CAN BE NO fears
ALL HAS TO GO, make room
leaves have to fall TO MAKE ROOM FOR NEW BLOOMS
YOU CANT be ANYTHING NEW
YOU CANNOT create ANYTHING NEW
If your cells are too engaged dealing with old matters
OR SIMPLY TRYING TO GET BY
AT TIMES YOU THRIVE BETTER WHEN lacking
THAN OVERHAVING
ITS NOT A JOKE ANYMORE
NOW IT IS: life OR A slow and unaware DEATH
DEATH FROM SUFFOCATION
NE FEAR!!
ONLY THE braves CAN MAKE IT
ARE YOU BRAVE?!?
What do you want to be??
FREE, or ENSLAVED?
YOU CHOOSE YOUR OWN STATE OF BEING
YOU ARE PAYING FOR mistakes you made
YOU MIGHT HAVE LEARNT BUT you
you go on and on repeating your RECORD
CHANGE IT!
MAKE THINGS STRAIGHT
in this VERY life!!!!

 
20 March 2013

I have been clearing out my room, getting rid of more and more things....
I have the need of an empty space...
a CLEAR MIND
a CLEAR ROOM
a CLEAR VIEW
And still, I am kicking myself to do more than that
I am kicking myself to really go for it
TOTALLY and FEARLESSLY
Bravery guide me like you used to do when I was a little girl
DEBORAH, BE A BRAVE HEART AGAIN......
Your heart is there where you are
Your path is there where you are
Your SUN is inside and follows you
But if you need the colour BLUE
You need to go and get it
If you need the water
you need to go TO THE WATER...

 

 

7en Layers

7en Layers
7 Layers one Zen Lesson.

July 2012
Canvas 100x70 - three layers of Acryl, 2 of paper, water colours, marker
Text in the background from my poem "A Lesson" written in May 2012.

Three days of dedication. Unplanned and spontaneous Flow.
Challenging and patience-demanding. A real and unfamiliar Zen practice for me.
3 Months after the text came the painting, 3 months after the painting I read a book about Zen and realized that the lesson I had learnt... was a true Zen Lesson!
This painting signed the turning point of my life.
From out-wards to inwards.
From Abstract and borderless to Defined and balanced.I like to think of this last painting as a "musical composition", as Music is what kick started my artistic shift and my personal philosophie of life.

Group Exhibition at "Die Freie Galerie" by Creperie Le Schnurr Bart - Graz
from 08.11 to 07.12

Here are the "words behind the colours":

The working on this painting and the Zen Experience my Soul lived through it inspired me to write "A Zen Story". A short story about a Hand and her flowing between Black Lines.
 

A Zen Story
Zen was the Hand sliding trustfully on the paper.
Not a stop to look back to check if what she was drawing was ok…
Not a stop to look forward to check where she was heading.
Zen was the Hand carrying the colored pencils with care and attention,
slowly and without rushing, approaching the borders with respect.
The Hand was so used to see the borders as annoying limits to her free flow.
She always went for big empty canvasses where she could just roam around freely,
leaving marks wherever and however she wanted.
No rules, no constrictions, no lines!!.
And yet… now, even within Lines, she was feeling free.
Between the lines, she was dancing and twirling and resting and contemplating the space.
Zen was the Lesson Hand learnt
That the more love and respect she was giving the space and the lines who created it… the more beautiful and meaningful was her experience, her travel.
Lines allowed her to feel the freedom “with-in” them.
Lines were teaching her the Discipline to “Stay In” and to be Aware of the Surroundings.
Lines were teaching her to move with carefulness without losing her temperament.
Lines made her feel good, secure, even… “loved”.
Lines with their black were making her colors brighter and livelier, and…
she with her colors was making their black blacker and deeper.
She thought she had unlimited Freedom, before.
In reality she had nothing, nothing to feel free from.
She only had the “illusion of freedom”.
Lines allowed her to experience the feeling of going “beyond” them.
Without Lines she had nothing to fill.
Without this Discipline she could never live a

“full-filled” life.
Zen was the Hand being thankful to the Lines….

A Lesson
May 2012
 

I lingered on your side ....
because I was happier there than alone....

I identified myself in you....
because I saw my dead dreams living in your eyes...

I tried to build a road for me and you....
because I couldn’t see myself going anywhere alone...

I wished to give you my hand, to guide you, to direct you ...
because I needed your hand...

I hoped to fade away your fears, your limits, your shadows … because they mirrored my own…

I felt not loved…
because I couldn’t see any Love in me…

I felt left behind…
because I didn’t believe I was good enough to keep up with you…

I felt pushed away…
because I didn’t think I was worthy of closeness

…your music shook my feelings…
like nothing ever before

... you turned down the script and left me alone playing my drama…like nobody ever before

... you were so peacefully untouchable and emotionally independent…
like I never knew one could be.

....I could see your real face
only when I didn’t try to see anything at all...

....I could listen to your true sound
only when I didn’t try to hear anything at all…

....I could really be, in front of you,
only when I didn’t try to be anything at all…

I have learnt that….

Nothing can be held without losing its beauty and its true nature

Whatever I thought I was having, was just an illusion
and it dissolved within seconds

Any definition of me is just a role
I decide to play and it doesn’t make me what I am…

Love and happiness are always there
and are just a matter of choice

the biggest decision is turning the choice into a commitment…

and renew it…over and over again…

with dedication.

 

I know that….

These are the Lessons my Soul needed to live through Yours, along the Path towards Awareness and Awakening…

I am grateful our Souls met.